How to Set Boundaries That Are True to Your Values - BodyMind Institute

How to Set Boundaries That Are True to Your Values

By Melanie Taylor | Spirituality

Nov 23

Average Reading Time: 3 minutes and 12 seconds

There will always be people around you that act in a way that is inconsistent with your values

It may be that they say something, do something around you. It could be they do something directly towards you; this is where things can get really challenging. It’s good to have a plan so that you can minimize the impact of the power you give this. It will help with your personal wellness and ability to maintain your peace when it happens around you.

When someone speaks to something that doesn’t align with your values you really have 3 choices.

1. Share your perspective – This only works if your intention is only to share. Chances of someone changing their perspective are not in your control. So the only thing we can do is give ours away. What they do with it is really their choice.

2. Understand their perspective – Get curious not furious! Ask questions, work to understand their values and belief. The most important thing is to ask questions that are simply to know more, not to guide a change for them.

3. Agree to disagree – Sometimes you just won’t see eye to eye, and that’s okay. Each person is a result of their values, beliefs and life. So be gentle with yourself and the other person, and use care in the words you choose.

When it is directed at you

I find this to be the hardest part, definitely difficult to not let it in and take it personally. So here are a few things I use to help me maintain my wellness.

1. Ask for help – There is nothing wrong with acknowledging you need help. So reach out to an expert, trusted adviser, mentor or coach.

2. Find the truth not the story – When we speak about what has happened more than needed, it only builds, so find the truth in it and leave it at that.

3. It’s okay to be emotional – We all need a good cry now and then. So take the time you need to heal. Just keep it as short as you can so you can move on. Be gentle with yourself, if you feel emotion acknowledge it, understand it. Don’t judge it.

4. Remember your values and why you have them – Stay true to who you are!

It will feel like you are on a rocky bridge. You may feel sad, angry or helpless. When someone directs their judgement or values on you, it may be hard to remember that you have worth.

The most important thing you can do

The most important thing you can do

Let them own their behavior; it isn’t yours to carry. What is yours is how you let it affect you, or how much power you give them. As Sarah said in the movie Labryinth, “You have no power over me.”

Article by Melanie Taylor, Guest Blogger for the BodyMind Institute


About the Author

A wife, mother, friend, volunteer and Life and Wellness Coach, Melanie is originally from Cranbrook, BC. She has lived in many places around the world before moving to Airdrie, AB in 2005 with her husband and children. Her core value is being in service to others. She brings this to life with three simple things: be honest, be generous and be kind. She believes in the power of balancing the mind, body and soul to live an authentic life of wellness. Empowering her clients to find their own wellness is her number one goal. Melanie's professional background includes 25+ years in corporate business. Throughout her career as a corporate trainer and coach, Melanie focused on training, development, and coaching a diverse demographic of individuals to support their career development and personal growth. Melanie found more and more that stress and wellness was holding people back from their potential. She trained in Integrated Health Coaching, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, Coaching Grow Model and Situational Leadership. She continues to attends training workshops on a wide variety of topics, such as emotional intelligence, building community impact, personal wellness, and wellness in the workplace to keep the learning alive and provide her clients with a strong tool kit. Melanie chose to become a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF) because of their aligned commitment to maintaining and promoting excellence in coaching. ICF expects all members and credentialed coaches to adhere to the elements and principles of ethical conduct: to be competent and integrate ICF Core Competencies effectively in their work. Find Melanie online: