It seems like everywhere we look someone is telling us how to be happier. Commercials telling us what we need to buy to be happier. Store windows showing us the look of happier. Memberships to buy happiness long term.
So how does this manifest? Being told over and over what we need to be happy, ultimately makes us question what we already have. It’s like that dangling carrot we can never quite reach. So how do we actually be happier?
It’s so easy to get caught up in things that bring you down or increase negativity. This can be who you spend time with. But mostly it was the perspectives and inner thoughts that were not helping me.
Sound easy? It isn’t, we get caught up in our to do lists, watching tv, social media. When what we really need is that hike in the mountains that we love so much. Spending time with our family. Or those hot soaks in the tub. Remember the saying you can’t pour from an empty cup? Well to give to others we need to give to ourselves!
Yup that’s right, it isn’t anyone else fault or problem. No one is to blame!! So when I feel that negativity coming up I challenge it. We can’t change others or even the weather. So I think to myself what is really happening. What could I do differently to change the situation. How can I change my perspective?
When did time management change to mean do everything at once? How often do we find ourselves reading an email while on a conference call and eating our lunch. It can be easy to get caught in this get it done faster trap. The reality is nothing has your full attention, so you end up eating food that isn’t good for you, not hearing something important on the call that would have really helped you and missing the point of the email.
So just SLOW DOWN, stop checking your phone every time it beeps. Better yet turn off the notifications. Give everything some time of it’s own. Plan in breaks for you to eat, take a walk, meditate or even just to breath.
How much time do you spend with your friends and family in person, no technology having a real moment? If you were like me, almost none. I would even text my kids while they were in the same house, and they are the millennial! I would always say, when I get a minute, or a day off. What really happened was I would stay late, or bring work home. I’d be so tired that in the end there wasn’t time.
What I really needed was that personal connection. Those laughs at the dinner table. Or the fresh air on a family hike. So by planning that time first, making it the priority I was able to re-connect with my kids and my husband and remind myself what truly mattered to me!
It’s time to stop talking about what you want and just take the first step. Everything you do should be working towards how you want to live your life. What you want to put out into the world. If it isn’t… stop doing it. Nothing will change until you do.
There is nothing wrong with having boundaries or saying no. In fact it is when we say yes and we know that we shouldn’t or don’t want to that we set ourselves up for grief. We won’t give it our all, we will be frustrated the whole time we are doing it. And inevitably accountable to our own feelings. So give yourself the gift of being honest and just say “no”.
Learn more about this in our blog about setting boundaries that serve you.
Take time to self care
This means so many things. But here are a few things to get you started.
When was the last time you looked in the mirror and told yourself 3 things you loved about yourself? Likely you see all the things you want to change, the parts you want to hide.
Negative self-talk is without a doubt the most destructive thing we do. So change the cycle!!! Look in the mirror every day and say “I love myself just as I am today”. Believe me when I tell you it will change your life.
Living in the moment is very powerful. This doesn’t mean a quiet mind. It means seeing those thoughts, negative self-talk, fears, etc. and choosing to be curious about them. By adding curiosity you provide yourself time and space to decide. This eventually will re-train how you react or even what you react to. To learn more about mindfulness, check out this link.
So in the end the truth is my happiness was there all along. It was when I changed my perspective and listened to myself that I heard the real message.
A wife, mother, friend, volunteer and Life and Wellness Coach, Melanie is originally from Cranbrook, BC. She has lived in many places around the world before moving to Airdrie, AB in 2005 with her husband and children. Her core value is being in service to others. She brings this to life with three simple things: be honest, be generous and be kind. She believes in the power of balancing the mind, body and soul to live an authentic life of wellness. Empowering her clients to find their own wellness is her number one goal. Melanie's professional background includes 25+ years in corporate business. Throughout her career as a corporate trainer and coach, Melanie focused on training, development, and coaching a diverse demographic of individuals to support their career development and personal growth. Melanie found more and more that stress and wellness was holding people back from their potential. She trained in Integrated Health Coaching, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, Coaching Grow Model and Situational Leadership. She continues to attends training workshops on a wide variety of topics, such as emotional intelligence, building community impact, personal wellness, and wellness in the workplace to keep the learning alive and provide her clients with a strong tool kit. Melanie chose to become a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF) because of their aligned commitment to maintaining and promoting excellence in coaching. ICF expects all members and credentialed coaches to adhere to the elements and principles of ethical conduct: to be competent and integrate ICF Core Competencies effectively in their work. Find Melanie online: lifeofwellness.ca/
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